Hoodrat. Hoochie. Bustdown. Gold Digger. Baby Momma. They're with white men. They're all on Welfare. They all have multiple kids. They all loud, ghetto, wear big weaves, tight clothes, and have major attitudes. These are just a few of the stereotypes that follow black women around. Add that to the over-sexualized images of women in music videos and other video media, and you have a recipe for the belief that there are no good black women left. But that is totally not the truth. There are positive black women that do great things everyday. Best of all, many of these good black women want to be with a good black man. They are just waiting to be recognized from those that are "not so good". Don't get me wrong, this is not a judgement on women that have kids, are on welfare, have chosen white men, an so on. This is just to serve as a guide for opening the eyes of men who want to take the talk of wanting a 'good black women' and transforming that talk into action.
First, recognize that a 'good black woman' recognizes that she is 'good' and values herself. She has self worth and practices good morals and values. Whatever her faith or motivational drive, she does not waiver and is confident in her belief system. She will not let anyone or anything compromise that. A familiar passage says, "a man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing". That being said, a good black woman is patient in finding her mate. She is not out searching for him, but rather getting herself together and maintaining her life for when it is the right time to be joined with a man.
A good black woman surrounds herself with other good black women (and "good people" just the same). Look at the company she keeps. If you have concerns with her friends, if they look to be like not-so-good women, there is a good chance that she is not a good black woman.
A good black woman is not out to look for a man to take care of her because she will do for herself. Do not confuse this with being a "too independent" or the idea that "women don't need a man". A good man will COMPLIMENT a woman, never COMPLETE her. She should be whole and complete before the man ever approaches her. A man should run away fast if one of the first things out of a woman's mouth is "what can you do for me ?".
Further, recognize that just because a black woman has an opinion or is confident she does not have an attitude. There is the belief that a "good" black woman should at all times be docile, submissive, and less opinionated. For far too long black women have lessened and apologized for their beliefs and have had to "hold in" opinions so they don't seem "ghetto" or angry. A good black woman understands time and place, how to communicate her thoughts and feelings, and how to be assertive without being overbearing.
So where are these good black women I speak of? Trust me, they are around and in every size, shape and shade. If you are not finding a "good black woman", consider looking in different places. Going to the club each weekend is probably not going to give you the greatest odds of finding a good black woman. Women have a diverse array of tastes. Consider local theater, restaurants, and fitness centers. Libraries and bookstores are also great places to strike up a conversation with a woman. Also, recognize that this is the generation of technology. Many women are seeking on-line tools as a way to meet people. There are also single black women who take care of children. Parks, playgrounds and schools are full of confident, worthy women.
Break through the stereotypes and get excited. A good black women is out there.
About the Author:
Janese Johnson is a freelance writer from Chicago, IL. You can see more of her work at Helium.com.
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